Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
