she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
