just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
