I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
