You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
