Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
