the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
