he shaved USA in his pubs
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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