return my video game
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
