Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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