well I can't set my house on fire every night
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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