i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
tell me about the eggs
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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