Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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