If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
