Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
