Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
