when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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