We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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