his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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