We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
