Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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