Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
