i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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