You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
