can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
