speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
