so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
