Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
