THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
