I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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