I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
