Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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