Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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