What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
