Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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