dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
