Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
