Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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