his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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