So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
