just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
