hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
