well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
