We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
