Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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