I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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