You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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