hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You are a genius and a whore.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
