who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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