I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
