I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The Olympian is in my bed
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