I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
